Regret is a universal experience. We all experience it at some point in our lives. As it temporarily lingers on everyone’s mind, mine is full of it. It consumes my mind 24 hours a day and takes me back to August 22, 2024. 

That morning, I remember it as if it was yesterday, waking up and getting a call from my dad. He asked if my sister and I would like to join him for breakfast. Busy with summer plans and getting ready for our first day of school, we’d been dodging him for the last two weeks. But now that I realize it, it was more than just two weeks. It was at least half of the summer that we didn’t hang out with him. All he ever asked of us was to spend quality time with him and we failed to do so. 

My dad would always invite us out to eat or just hang out with him in general, but I would always tell him “ahi manana wey,” which translates to “tomorrow, bro.” Then “tomorrow” came and I would still choose not to hang out with him. That morning at breakfast, my dad sat and talked to us about how he wanted to head back to Michoacan, Mexico, his hometown. He was saying he missed it over there and he wanted to go back. 

I laughed at the idea, as he’s been saying that to us for the past year. His reason for wanting to leave was he felt alone and unloved. I explained to him how that wasn’t the case and that we loved him, but we were just busy sometimes. We ended up changing the topic and he dropped us off home later that afternoon. As he was saying his goodbye, he was expressing it as if we were never going to see him again. As if that day would be the last one with us together. He hugged me tight with tears running down his face and told me to take care of myself. I’ve never seen my dad cry, ever, so I knew he was being serious. 

The next morning, he called me to say he was leaving for good. 

He suggested that we should go visit him during Winter Break. I was in disbelief. I didn’t think it was true. He knew that if he left he wouldn’t be able to come back into the U.S. But that didn’t stop him, he had made up his mind and decided that was what he wanted to do. I angrily told him that if he left, I wouldn’t go visit him. 

I was mad at the fact that my dad wouldn’t be here for my senior year, that we wouldn’t be experiencing my last year of high school together in a sense. I was mad that I wouldn’t be able to just see him around anymore or have sleepovers at his house. Although I was angry, I still made sure to check up on him and his journey. Regardless of my emotions, my dad always had a spot in my heart. Weeks went by and there was no call from either side of the phone. My dad wouldn’t call and neither would I. 

His birthday came around the corner, which was the first and last time I called him in a long time. I remember I called him wishing him a happy birthday and sent him a birthday gift. 

I did all of that not knowing it would be the last birthday and the last time I would be able to talk to him. 

Not even three weeks after his birthday, my dad passed away. 

I didn’t get to say goodbye. I didn’t get to attend his funeral. All that was left of his presence was the pictures and memories. The stubbornness I got from my dad to not text first cost me quality time with him. It cost me the last couple of moments I could’ve had with my dad. 

I still can’t grasp on the idea that my dad is no longer here. The guilt knowing that it was the last time I heard his voice.The guilt and regret that constantly consumes me on a daily basis is sickening. I replay every interaction I once had with my dad, and I always ask myself, Why did I let him leave? Why didn’t I hang out with him when he would offer? What if I would have begged him to stay longer? 

I ask myself about a million questions but I can never seem to get an answer to my questions. I don’t think I ever will. Although I replay all these moments in my head, I won’t ever be able to create more with the person that raised me or loved me. I realized that I’ve taken my dad for granted and I regret it. 

I regret every time I wouldn’t go out with him and I regret not calling him more often. I regret a lot of things but at the end of the day we are all human and we can never really predict death. I realized that taking things for granted is a common mistake we humans make. We don’t realize in the moment how precious people are and the memories that come with that person. It’s a lesson my dad would have learned as well, but who knows. 

It took losing someone to truly teach me the lesson of appreciating anyone and everyone because at any given moment it can all disappear. Never assume that there will always be tomorrow because tomorrow isn’t always promised for everyone. Live in the moment and appreciate everyone and everything. Hug the people you love while you still can because, someday, you’ll be wishing you could just see them one more time.